By Rebecca Airmet — Last Updated: November 15, 2024

Autumn always brings me so many emotions: It is a time of both gratitude and grieving. We gather in the summer’s bountiful harvest and give thanks for our abundance around the family table, and we also watch the year die. The leaves change color and drift from the trees, the buzzing and chirping and singing of insects and birds fall quiet, and the chill of winter sets in.

It is not surprising to me that autumn seems to hold these two diametrically opposed feelings. They are two sides of the same coin. This autumn, the poignancy of the grieving-gratitude dichotomy feels especially emotionally fraught: I’m currently processing an intensely personal grief, caused by circumstances beyond my control. At times like these in my life, holding grief and gratitude at the same time can feel exhausting and impossible as other emotions – disappointment, anger, frustration, fear – compete for space.

While gratitude and grief seem like two separate things, they are not.

Gratitude, when practiced wisely, is not toxic positivity. It is not about pretending everything in your life is perfect. Gratitude requires a fundamental recognition of What Is. Grieving plays an important part in that acknowledgement.

Author and psychotherapist Francis Weller said this well: “The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? That’s how much gratitude I can give.”

Gratitude helps us manage the grieving process, seeing the beauty and gifts in our relationships, for example, even as they end. At the same time, grief softens our hearts, opening us to compassion, kindness, and ever more gratitude.

In Chinese medicine, grief corresponds to the lungs. Breathwork can be used as the basis for beautiful rituals for letting go, rituals that allow us to mingle our grieving with gratitude.

Breathing is a constant practice of taking in and letting go. We draw in a breath full of gratitude, and we let out a long sigh of loss and acceptance of that loss. We know, in the cycle of our breath, that everything lost will be replaced with something new and nourishing – our next breath.

The following ritual can help us fully experience our grief, while allowing it to share space with gratitude.

Find a quiet space and a quiet time for yourself.

Set an intention – be specific about the thing that you are grieving.

Find an object that reminds you of your loss, of the thing you need to let go.

Sit quietly in a meditative pose, perhaps cross-legged on the floor or a meditation cushion, or in a sturdy chair with both feet flat on the floor.

Close your eyes and breathe in and out quietly for a few moments, allowing your attention to follow your breath. We’re not trying to breathe in any special way – simply become aware of your breath.

Open your eyes and focus on the object in front of you. Spend a few moments contemplating the grief or loss that it represents. Close your eyes and try to notice where you feel that grief or loss in your body.

Now gently breath into that part of your body. On the inhale, say in your mind, “I honor my feelings.” On the exhale, hum with your mouth closed. Extend the exhale for as long as you comfortably can. Imagine that you are sending your grief out into the world on your breath, letting it go.

Repeat for 5 breaths. You can alter the phrase on the inhale if you’d like. Try one of these:

I honor my grief

I honor my loss

I honor my sorrow

You may feel the urge to cry. If so, that’s okay, go ahead and cry. The goal here is to allow yourself to really feel without self-judgment. Allow your body to feel and do what it needs, recognizing that pain and tears are not only okay, they also are healing. If you do cry, try to continue sighing out, or try blowing out through pursed lips.

Continue to inhale gently into the part of your body that feels grief and audibly exhale until you begin to feel that the grief is gone from that space.

Now, imagine inhaling a gentle golden mist into that empty space. Do not leave the space empty – we want to transform it. As you inhale a golden, healing light into the space that held the grief, allow yourself to settle into a feeling of gratitude and love. Perhaps you will remember moments of love and support. Perhaps it is a lesson you learned. Perhaps it is simply a feeling of compassion for yourself.

Imagine the golden mist filling your lungs, your chest, your belly, and buoying you up. You may experience a floating sensation. Settle into this space of peacefulness for as long as you’d like.

Close this ritual by repeating this phrase, out loud or to yourself:

May I hold gratitude and grief together.
May they bring me growth.
May they bring me peace.

Namaste.

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Rebecca Airmet is a writer, editor, bookkeeper, breathwork facilitator, coach, and staff member at Green Lotus Yoga and Healing Center. She is also co-editor of the monthly newsletter. You can find her on the front desk in Lakeville and assisting with workshops. She has maintained a personal meditation and yoga practice for nearly thirty years and is looking forward to completing her 200-hour yoga teacher training in the near future.

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